“But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.”
2 Kings 5:11
• When our expectations are not met, we can become offended.
• We come into marriage with preconceived ideas which can come from:
1. Our parents and how we saw marriage.
– Ephesians 6:4 – “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
– Proverbs 14:1 – “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
– Ask yourself, “Have I brought strongholds into my marriage that are not biblical?”
– Mark 7:13 – “Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.”
– Marriage should be a picture of Christ and the church. Your marriage should not be defined by what’s going on in today’s culture.
– Romans 12:2 – “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
– Culture can also be established in movies which make men more emotional and women more sexual. Its not reality.
– Just because you heard it at church, doesn’t make it true. It has to be based on the word.
– In the following scriptures, there was a lot going on and lot being said. Jesus points to all the things that people had heard and that seemed normal but he pointed them back to what he says on the matter.
Matthew 5:21,27,33,43 – “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths: Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.”
– Let the word of God be the foundation of what I expect in marriage.
“And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
• God gave Adam a help meet. Meet means that she was proper, suitable and fit for him.
• Eve was also a spiritual help to Adam. God saw a man that needed help right after a command of death was given.
• We get the complete image of God when man and woman come together.
“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,”
• In this passage, Jesus endorses the origin of marriage from Genesis.
• There is no offense when there is no expectation.
• The closer you get, the higher the expectation.
• There is always the capacity to be offended with extended time/relationships.
“Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.”
• Marriage is to produce Godly seed or Godly fruit.
• Sin is selfish, you cannot be selfish and be married.
“They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”
• Divorce was suffered or allowed only due to the hardness of heart. The enemy wants our hearts to be hard.
• We have to break the spirit of offense.
• Psalms 55:12-14 – “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.”
• Offense is based on expectations. Unfulfilled expectation turns into anger. Unfulfilled revenge turns into bitterness.
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”
• When we are offended, we put bars up. Then, we don’t let that person in until they have paid what we thing they should. Until then, they don’t get access.
• Those bars turn into your own prison.
• It leads to your own bondage due to offense.
• There are four basic needs for all people: (1) acceptance, (2) identity, (3)security, and (4) purpose. We must rely on God to ultimately meet these needs so we don’t put unrealistic expectations on others to meet the need.
If two are to become one…
• Both must be adaptable. I am able to change or be changed in order to be a better fit or work better in a certain situation.
• Both must have empathy. Empathy is the ability to care about what someone else is feeling. It helps you to be sensitive to your spouse’s needs. There is too much water in the world for your spouse to leave home thirsty!