Two choices we have in Marriage:
God’s Original Plan vs. Marriage under the curse
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;”
• This passage gives us the Bible’s first mention of marriage which is God’s original intent.
• God’s original design was oneness.
• Adam and Eve were naked, they exposed all of themselves to one another with no shame.
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
• Under the curse, we are deceived to believe that control is better than being dependent on God.
• Once sin entered man, Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together. They were the only ones there but they covered themselves. There was shame between the two of them and shame between man and God.
• There was shame, blame and condemnation.
• Verse 16: Be careful that the desire doesn’t rule. What this means is that under the curse, the woman would desire her husband but he would rule over her. As women, be sure not to allow the curse to give you an overwhelming desire to have a husband or for your husband to fulfill you. Your value and worth comes from God, not man.
Marriage in the New Testament
“And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
• When we are filled with the Spirit, it is a constant cycle of being filled.
• As a woman, submit all that you are as a woman to your husband. As a man, submit all that you are as a man to your wife. Both the husband and the wife bear a part of God’s image. When we come together, that image is complete. If we allow all that God put in us to lift one another up, our spouse can be all that God has called them to be.
• We can look at the relationship of Christ and the church as an example of how we are to treat our spouse.
• If we are walking in our marriage in shame, blame, and condemnation, we are walking in the curse.
• The great news is that because of redemption, you can choose to walk in blessing instead of curse at any moment.
How to walk in a Grace-filled Marriage & Family
Six Declarations to live by:
1. My primary source is God. My value and identity are in God.
– In the garden, they trusted God for all their needs. On your worst day, you are just as valuable to God.
– John 4:7 – The woman at the well was looking to be filled by men but when she encountered Jesus, she had the opportunity to be filled by Jesus and never thirst again.
2. I am filled by His Spirit, not by the performance of others (or my children).
– Don’t buy into the lie that you are only good enough once you’ve done enough.
– Ephesians 3:16 – “That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;”
– Under the curse, our spouse is our supply. Under grace our greatest needs are met by God.
– Galatians 5:15-16 – “But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”
– Galatians 5:21-22 – “Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,”
– Without the Holy Spirit, we will resort to marriage under the curse!
3. My spouse and my children are gifts to me.
4. My worth is not based on my performance.
– Don’t be concerned about appearances, they do not define you as a mother, father, wife, or husband. Be concerned with what God thinks of you, not others.
– The people around us need to know that they are more important than the screen (phone).
– Romans 5:8 – “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
– Christ delighted in you and delivered you.
– Proverbs 8:19 – “My fruit is better than gold, yea, than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver.”
5. I can separate my spouse’s identity from their behavior.
6. I can speak the truth in love!
– We should be able to find the solution in the word.
– Matthew 5:9 says blessed are the peacemakers, not peacekeepers.
– Don’t just be silent, deal with issues.
– Check your heart and motive.
– Revelation 2:2,4 shows us a way to deal with issues. Give three compliments and only one complaint.